Max

On Wednesday morning, we took Max to the vet and had them put him to sleep. It was a very difficult decision and has been a very difficult last few days. This post will be about our decision and process of his euthanasia — if that is not something you want to read about you may want to skip this blog post.

A few weeks ago we started to notice some negative changes in Max. We discussed at that time maybe it was time for him to “cross the rainbow bridge” as it is called. At that time, I wanted to wait so I could have him with me the next couple of months as I finish up the foot healing and start the lymphoma treatments. Probably a little selfish of me.

He had a lot of things going on that prompted this initial decision: grade 4 heart murmur, sight gone in one eye and the other close behind, very limited hearing, collapsing of his hip when he would walk, increased amounts of “old man warts” — most of these were completely livable at this point. Then in the last couple of weeks, one night when David let him out at night, which is usually very easy he would just go out do his potty and come back in. But that night he wandered off and went down the sidewalk and no amount of calling his name, whistling, David’s magic clicking, would bring him back and he just kept walking. David went after him and one of the neighbors happened to grab him and get him to David. That was so scary that he would just wander off and not come back at all. A couple of days later he woke us up in the middle of the night “screaming” (no other way to describe it) and his whole body was rigid. This has happened to him a couple of times, but this was the worst. The following days he would not eat, was very lethargic, and panting for no reason. So lethargic that the dog walker and I had to shake him to wake him up to go outside. And one morning he would not even go out when David tried to let him out when we got it. It just seemed like so many things that were going downhill quickly. So I made the call to the vet on Tuesday with an appointment set for Wednesday.

Used the group family text to let everyone know…and I know everyone had that note of sadness. Caley and Darcee came over that night to make us dinner and so Caley could say goodbye. We had Max for 15 years….got him at Jenny’s summer place up by Lake Mille Lacs, so Caley came up with the name Max.

It was as if he knew this was happening because he would not leave my side the rest of the day and that night cuddled right up to me. Again no energy at all…so lethargic it just was not him and again no eating.

We left for the appointment that next morning and it was set for 9am. We went in to one of the rooms that was specifically set up for this task. They had 2 couches in there, a blanket waiting on the exam table and a box of Kleenex! :-). Everyone was so great at the vet office…even when they walked in the door they were quiet and spoke in comforting, quiet voices. Of course I had to sign papers indicating that I agreed to this….and has hard as it was I did take that step. So many thoughts and memories going through my mind at this point. Max has been with us 15 years and was really my companion…so I did sit there thinking is this the right decision? It seemed that any different decision would not be right on our part. Even though, selfishly, I wanted him beside me these next few months, but then did I really want him to continue to suffer? After all he fell down the stairs, he had that screaming events which was beyond scary and who knows what pain he was going through? So I signed and they explained the process.

First they gave him a shot to get him to fall asleep. He was on the exam table, and I was sitting right next to him, and he was standing as they gave him the sleepy shot. As if he was being just a little defiant! I talked to him softly, petted him gently, and just tried to reassure him. Then all of a sudden, he started shaking like he had the chills, gently laid down in the position and was his normal sleeping position and fell asleep. I felt he was letting me know that this was the right decision because he was so at peace.

About 10 minutes later, the vet tech came in to make sure that he was truly under and would feel no pain. She said that he was where they needed him to be. So then the vet came in and told me the process. Max would get an IV that is in essence a strong sleeping med and it would take a few minutes. The vet did warn me that some things could happen as part of the natural process: he may lose bowel controls, he may gasp one last time, or a couple of other natural reactions to the medicine. I prepared myself for the worst and told him they could proceed.

In order to do the IV, they needed to get to one of his veins. Now Max is only 12 lbs so he is small and of course had small veins. They tried one foot and the vet could not get the vein there so he tried the back foot, with no success with that one. He went back to the front leg and finally find the very small vein. Max just decided he would have one last fight in him. When the vet found that vein that was usable he said to Max I finally found it and right then Max sighed. :-).

Both the vet and tech stayed in the room while we waited and in about 5 minutes the vet checked his heart and quietly said to me “he is gone”. They told me I could stay with him as long as I wanted so I did spend some time telling him how we all loved him, how I knew he would not longer be in pain, and he would be happy and free. Lots of tears and I really did not want to leave him, and he looked so peaceful. He was laying like he would always lay when he fell asleep near me.

I know we made the correct decision I just wish the sadness would stop and the tears would stop. We have great memories of him and as David said we should think about those: him jumping in to the pool at our Corcoran, getting him at the airport after he flew from MN to LA, chasing his mini tennis balls, falling asleep with the ball in his mouth like a pacifier, jumping in the snow, swimming in Lake Mille Lacs (while on his leash), going on walks, traveling (30+ states), lots of great memories!!